Do You Want to Be Right — or Joyful?

Do You Want to Be Right — or Joyful?

The Choice that Defines Leadership

by Doni Landefeld, Ph.D, PCC, ACPEC  

December is often described as the “season of joy.” Yet for many, this time of year brings a mix of emotions — reflection, fatigue, loneliness, and even stress — alongside celebration and cheer. Some seem to radiate joy effortlessly, while others quietly struggle to find it amid the noise of expectations, deadlines, and year-end evaluations.

But here’s the truth: joy isn’t something we stumble upon by accident or reserve for special occasions. Joy is cultivated — consciously, intentionally, and often, courageously.

Why Joy Matters — Especially for Leaders

In both life and leadership, joy is more than a fleeting feeling. It’s a foundational state of well-being that fuels engagement, creativity, and resilience. Neuroscience confirms that positive emotions broaden our thinking, enhance problem-solving, and help us recover from stress more quickly. When we lead from a place of joy, we are more approachable, inspiring, and effective.

And yet, joy often gets crowded out — by pressure, comparison, control, or the need to “win.” In high-performing environments, many leaders unintentionally trade joy for validation or the illusion of control. The result? A hollow kind of success — productive on paper but depleting in spirit.

The Win-Lose Trap

One of the greatest barriers to joy — at work and home — is the persistent need to be *right.* Whether it’s a boardroom debate or a dinner table disagreement, the ego’s desire to win can quickly erode connection.

In relationships, a win-lose mindset creates tension and diminishes trust. In teams, it silences voices, stifles collaboration, and fuels defensiveness. Joy cannot coexist with chronic competition.

I often remind clients: Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy — and effective?

Contemplation: Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy — and effective? 

Five Ways to Cultivate and Manifest More Joy

1. Let Go of the Need to Control
Control gives the illusion of safety but often leads to rigidity and burnout. Practice surrender — not as weakness, but as trust. Allow space for others’ ideas, outcomes, and timing.

2. Replace Judgment with Curiosity  
When you notice frustration rising, pause and ask: *What might I not be seeing?* Curiosity diffuses defensiveness and opens the door to connection — a fertile ground for joy.

3. Celebrate Micro-Moments of Joy
Joy doesn’t always roar; often, it whispers. Notice small pleasures — the warmth of your morning coffee, laughter during a meeting, or gratitude expressed by a colleague. Micro-moments build emotional resilience.

4. Choose Connection Over Perfection
Perfection isolates; connection heals. Make time to genuinely check in with people. Express appreciation. Listen to understand, not to respond. The energy of joy multiplies when shared.

5. Reflect and Recalibrate
End the year by asking: *What brought me true joy this year? What drained it?* Reflection fosters awareness — the first step in intentional change. Carry what nourishes you into the new year and release what does not.

Closing Invitation

Joy is not naïve optimism. It’s an intentional act of courage — choosing light in a world that often emphasizes struggle. As leaders and humans, we can’t always control what happens, but we can influence how we show up.

This December, may you give yourself permission to experience joy — not as a reward, but as a vital ingredient for well-being, performance, and connection.

If you or your team are seeking to rediscover joy and meaning in your work, let’s connect. Coaching can help you reconnect to purpose, cultivate emotional intelligence, and lead with authenticity — the foundations of a joyful, high-performing life.

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