What Better Communicators Do Before They Respond: Part 2
Someone comes to you frustrated.
Before they’ve finished speaking, you’re already thinking about what to say.
You have advice.
A solution.
Perhaps even an explanation for why they’re looking at the situation incorrectly.
Sound familiar?
For many accomplished professionals, problem-solving is practically muscle memory. We’re rewarded for seeing problems and fixing them.
But when it comes to human communication, solving too quickly can sometimes become part of the problem.
The person in front of us may not need our answer yet.
They may first need our understanding.
Listen for What’s Underneath the Words
Imagine someone says: “I’m overwhelmed.”
It’s tempting to respond immediately: “Let’s prioritize your workload.”
Helpful? Maybe.
Empathetic? Not necessarily.
Because we haven’t yet learned what overwhelmed means to that person.
Is it too much work?
Unclear expectations?
A lack of resources?
Fear of disappointing someone?
Something completely unrelated to work?
Behavior—and communication—often make much more sense once we understand the emotion driving them.
That’s why one of the most useful shifts we can make is to stop listening only for what someone is saying and become curious about what they may be experiencing.
Tone matters.
Pace matters.
Body language matters.
Silence matters.
And so does our willingness to resist the urge to immediately fix what we’ve heard.
Understanding Isn’t Agreement
There’s another reason we sometimes hold back from empathy: we mistakenly believe that understanding someone’s perspective means endorsing it.
It doesn’t.
You can understand someone’s frustration and still hold them accountable.
You can appreciate why they’re disappointed and reach a different conclusion.
You can acknowledge someone’s experience without changing your expectations.
In fact, empathy can make accountability more effective because people are often far more willing to hear us once they believe we’ve genuinely heard them.
So before your next important conversation, experiment with replacing an answer with a question.
Instead of: “Here’s what you should do…”
Try: “Tell me more.”
Or: “What would be most helpful right now?”
Simple?
Absolutely.
Easy?
Not always.
Because curiosity requires us to temporarily quiet the part of ourselves that already thinks it knows.
Want to Go Deeper?
Knowing how you want to communicate and putting it into practice in a difficult moment can be two different things. Coaching can help you recognize your own patterns, listen with greater curiosity and approach challenging conversations with empathy and clarity.
If you’d like support strengthening your communication or navigating a specific leadership challenge, I’d welcome a conversation about how I can help.
Because exceptional communicators don’t necessarily have better answers.
Sometimes they simply know when to ask a better question.